Saturday, June 8, 2013

Lend Me Your Eyes, I'll Change What You See

This post has nothing to do with farming or my kids.  Well, it shouldn't.  But, watch how quickly I can switch any topic into one about my children.  It's a gift, really.  Makes you want to sit down and have a conversation with me, I bet.  About my kids, that is.  Anywho, I am just so giddy that I have to share my news as I am seeing the world with brand new eyes today!  I'm two days post Lasik.  So, I guess they aren't new eyes.  Rather they are my same old eyes, but with some part of the cornea burned out.  Not really sure about the exact surgical details and all that medical-y stuff.  I mean, I did some research, but eventually everything just started fuzzing together in my brain as I was very tired, and I realized the details couldn't be all that important, right?  They're just eyes after all.  And I'm certain Groupon must do some sort of doctor screening before allowing a promotion on their website.  I'm sure of that.

Two days post surgery, my eyes are still a little scratchy and foggy at times, so truth be told, it doesn't feel all that different from the dirty four month-old contacts I'd been wearing prior to this. Which is not to say I'm not totally thrilled that I did this, because I am.  The whole procedure, the whole day actually, could not have gone better.  My dear sister and little H, my one-year old nephew took the better part of their day to chauffeur me around, which would have made for a wonderful day in itself.  Adding to that, the joyous news that 27 years of glasses and contacts are potentially behind me.  Plus, a special bonus, I made the fortunate discovery that if I am ever to become a drug addict (which of course I'm not.  I'm just saying, you know, just in case...), I've already picked out my drug of choice: Valium.

I was sitting in the pre-op room and the nurse bustled in with some water and a pill.  I took it from her and put the pill to my mouth, then paused.

"What is this?"  I thought to ask.

"Valium,"  she responded briskly.  "To help you relax."  It was her turn to pause.  "Do you not want to take it?"

No, I don't want to take it!  I can't take Valium!  I have kids to take care of after you all are done lasering my corneas.  I have dinner to cook!  And the door slid off of the chicken coop that I've got to get back on before it rains!  And the lawn isn't just going to mow itself! 

"Ummm. Yes, I'll take it.  Thanks.", I managed just before gulping down the pill.

[I should interject here, in the event that my Grandma and  Grandpa are reading this and alarmed that I may be heading down an unfortunate path into prescription drug use.  This story has a point.  Well, maybe not a point, but it does end.  Stay with me.]

To be honest, the Valium did nothing for me during the procedure as I was still a basket of nerves.  Who wouldn't be with their eyes taped wide open and a laser pointed at them guided by a heavily tattooed ophthalmologist with only the smell of burning skin  as a distraction?  But a few minutes post-op waiting to be released, I did notice that I felt a little less edgy.  Totally normal otherwise, just without usual underlying anxiety that typically lies just below my surface.  I was released to go home after a few minutes. Eyes covered in bubbly, plastic shields, I made my way to the car, relaxing quietly as Carrie drove.  A few minutes into the drive, she began to gently attempt to stop H as he entertained himself by flicking his root-beer float around my car with his straw.

"Don't worry about it.  He's fine."  I shrugged.  "I'll just clean it up tomorrow."  Carrie looked at me like I was on drugs as a little splatter of ice cream breezed by my head and landed on the passenger side window.  "Seriously.  It's not a big deal."   

Crazy, right?  But, I was so serious about this, you guys!  I was...I was easy-breezy Christi!  I like her!  She's the mom that my heart wants to be, but that just never comes out.  Driving home from the eye doctor, okay maybe it was the Valium, but not freaking out felt so much better than freaking out!  It was at that very moment that I saw my role as a mom through brand new eyes.  I'd slowly been sliding the other direction, increasingly rolling my eyes, snapping, How many times have I told you-ing, and even yelling about spills and messes.  It's an embarrassing admission.  I know that spills and messes are part of learning. Part of exploring and growing. I teach this, for crying out loud.  But, just as my idea to run a 10k sounds refreshing and energizing and once in the race I am crying out for it to be over, the idea of exemplary parenting is warm and comforting and easy to type while curled in a chair and my children soundly snuggled in their beds for the night.  In actuality it can be trying and exhausting and can feel like I'm running in place on a treadmill and not getting anywhere at all.  But on this day, through my new eyes I was able to clearly see the simple steps to become more of the mom I wanted to be.

That night I made a resolution.  No more yelling at my children for spilling.  Baby steps.  Every day I pray.  And every morning, I pray for patience.  But that evening after my surgery, I prayed thanksgiving for these new eyes.  New eyes.  New ways.    

From Julie Silander:
Yes, time flies.
But I don’t want to stop it. I want to climb on its back and soak up every inch of the scenery. I want to drink in the laughter, the tears, the soccer games, the visits to the ER, the blues skies and the torrential rains that this world has to offer. For when the cosmic clock is finally grounded, I will climb off its back, grateful for the wild and wonderful (full-of-wonder) ride.
So enjoy your toddlers, your teenagers, your grandchildren. Don’t miss one bit of the ride due to fear or regret. For the day is coming when the tarnish of time will be removed  from us all. And underneath will be revealed the beauty, the creativity, the wonder, the whimsy, and the perfected love that was imprinted on our souls from the very foundations of the universe.


  1. I enjoyed reading this!


  2. Thanks for making my morning, Angie!