Sunday, February 24, 2013

Transparent

"Want to know what my mom did?"  E's high pitched little voice sang out across the beauty parlor.

With a screeching halt, the bustling chatter stopped.  Martha set down her scissors.  Loretta paused and turned expectantly. The little old lady peeped out from where she was hidden underneath the hair dryer.

"Why yes we do!"  One of the hairdressers cooed, her voice dripping with the anticipation of juicy gossip.

I stiffened slightly, willing myself to relax.  Transparency, I reminded myself.  But, I also made a mental note to start closing the door when I used the bathroom at home.

Among the gazillion blessings I can count of being a mom, I can add the push to accept that anyone in earshot knows the innermost workings of our home thanks to my two little chatterboxes.  And what a grace it is that I can consider it a blessing that everyone in the checkout line at Target knows that we are once again buying new shoes because Mommy forgot to see that her children were fully clothed before starting on a road trip.

Yesterday, I took A and E to storytime at the the library.  It was a special reading, complete with guests from the symphony orchestra to accompany the story as it was read.

"Has anyone ever seen a turkey?" the librarian opened as an introduction to her book.  In the crowd, a little hand shot up.  She didn't wait to be called on.

"Well, my mom..."  my face reddened, "Well, we used to have three chickens.  But one night, my mom forgot to close the chicken coop door because she was so busy and then a predator took one of the chickens and killed it."

"Well...ummm...a predator?  Oh my." The librarian seemed thrown off by the sudden morbid turn in this story reading.  "This little girl certainly has a big vocabulary." The librarian offered no further questions as she proceeded with the storybook.

I'm by nature a most private person.  But, sometimes being private can walk a thin line with being secretive or compartmentalized.  I think it's driven by that desire to always be liked.  Hey, we've all got our things, right?  Ironically, this trait increased when I first came to faith.  Yearning to be accepted by this new 'club', I found myself more concerned with the rules than with my spirit, worried I would say the wrong thing or act the wrong way.  All the while trying to hold on to an old life and take care not to offend old friends, which as we all know just doesn't work.

Funny how life is woven together though.  As I began to recognize God's gentle hand pulling me towards a more authentic life-one that involved living to please Him, not living to please people- my children were not so gently pushing me from behind in the same direction, resulting in me tripping over myself as I loafed clumsily into this brand new way of thinking and living.

Living transparently.  Not living perfectly.  Transparently. So that I can reveal Jesus who lives within. So that I can just smile graciously, rolling up my window as I leave church and A calls out from his car seat to all who can hear before the window closes , "Drive careful!  Don't get a speeding ticket like my Mom!"